For example, somebody who has committed a murder cannot be truly forgiven for what they have done. They may try to apologize to somebody who was a part of the same group, or somebody who knew the person. In doing so, they still can’t be forgiven by the murdered individual. A person cannot apologize for an act that somebody else committed, just like somebody can't forgive someone for something that happened to somebody else.
The soldier seeking forgiveness in The Sunflower told his story of what he did to Simon. The soldier felt that he needed to confess to a Jew, and seek forgiveness from him. Joseph Telushkin brings up an interesting thing to ponder, “Had the doctor entered the room with a miracle drug that would have restored this young man to full vigor, would he have remained weighed down with guilt?”(262). The sincerity of the soldiers apology is questionable, considering that he waited to give the apology when he was reaching death. Simon, could not forgive the dying soldier. He was correct in not doing so, the soldier is giving this apology to make himself feel better, he isn’t helping anybody else. It is also not Simons place to forgive a man who killed a family that Simon didn’t even know, and the family would never have the chance to live again to give it either. The person may also seek forgiveness from a higher being, a religious perspective.
Religion may play an important role in the life of the perpetrator. They may not consider this as they are committing the act, but they soon realize it, as they too, are laying on their deathbed. Seeking forgiveness from the victim may help ease their minds, but they are no longer pure. According to Matthieu Ricard, a Buddhist, would have said, “The best thing that you can do now is pray that in your future lives you will be able to atone for your crimes by doing as much good as you have done evil”(235). Depending on their spiritual beliefs, they may get another chance in another life. In a Christian perspective, they may never receive forgiveness from God for murder. Some acts may be forgiven, if they did not harm the life of another person. Raping an individual is also another point to consider in this topic. This may affect the victim’s spiritual values also. They are no longer pure, and this may cause a struggle with their beliefs.
Many times granting forgiveness is something that the victim needs. Eva Korr shows the personal need to forgive for these events. She didn’t give this forgiveness for anybody except for herself. Carrying that hate in her heart was not something that she wanted to do for the rest of her life. It grants them more emotional freedom from the situation. They don’t have to carry the burdens of the incident with them forever. Getting yourself to the point of being able to truly forgive someone is not an easy task. It takes time, and can be an emotional nightmare. It can bring back old memories, and that’s not generally something that a person wants to remember.
In my personal experience with forgiveness, I have viewed the side of a person who can forgive, and the view of someone who holds on to the events that occurred, and doesn’t show forgiveness. My uncle is not one to forgive something that affected his life so greatly. He never forgave my grandfather for missing his childhood. My mom, on the other hand, personally felt the need to let go of the past, and did forgive him, and tried to forget the past. My mom enjoyed my grandpa’s last years, while my uncle has to live regretting not reconciling with his father. Some situations are better to forgive; it allows the person to live a happier life.
The saying forgive and forget is very controversial. Many people try to forgive, but they can never forget the things that they suffered. It is something that they have to carry with them for the rest of their lives. Yet the person who committed the act also has to carry the guilt with them for the rest of theirs. Getting forgiveness from the direct victim may help them convince themselves that what they did is okay, but they will always carry that act with them. Finding excuses to defend their actions is understandable, to give them mental security.
The person committing the act may defend their actions by stating that they had no choice, and had to save their own lives by listening to those in charge. Sidney Shachnow proves this by stating that “Military training has been devoted to breaking down the deep aversion man feels toward taking another human being’s life” (241). I understand the pressure that they had to be faced with, but each individual has their own free will, and their life is no one life is more valuable than another.
Forgiveness is a complicated topic, and it can only be handled by the individual. The perpetrator, and the victim, may fight with the contradictions and the acts that had taken place. An apology from the perpetrator makes the forgiveness more valuable, and may help the victim feel freer of the pain. There are situations that can be forgiven, but there are some acts that are just unforgivable.